Shit is about to get weird. The Erotic Adventures of Hercules is a film you are not going to find very easily anywhere but GayHotMovies.com. Believe me, I checked. It’s not even available at Bijou, its own provider! So let me tell you I was just about as excited to find out about this film as I was discovering my first gay porn magazine many moons ago. Why, you may ask? Because it’s a classic, and it’s fucking weird; don’t let this soft-core box cover fool you.
Just look at these opening credits. Seriously, it’s like Clash of the Titans and Jason and the Argonauts. I’m surprised there wasn’t any wacky claymation minotaurs or anything. Once the credits are over, the audience is transported to a rocky beach where the story begins. I think the narrator didn’t get the narration part in The Ten Commandments starring Charlton Heston. That man was hot-no wonder Anne Baxter was always moaning “Moses, Moses, Moses.” Jeez Louise! And moving on…
So we’ve got Hercules, the ocean, and animal hide loin cloths. Cut to a palace. Here we meet a super creepy old dude with a bucket of KFC who is actually King Casmer and he’s got some damn cute boys at his fingertips. Check out the one with the fan. Although it’s just beginning, I ask myself “When was this made?” It looks like a Rodgers and Hammerstein Cinderella made for TV in the sixties. The colors are wonderful!
Nothin’ like a bucket-a-chicken and some head from one of your slaves, eh? I’m getting kind of hungry. Spoiler alert, there is a lot of “soft serve” in this flick. The king doesn’t really get hard, but still cums buckets in the boy’s mouth who then spits it into a chalice. This blowjob really did amp up the perversion rating of The Erotic Adventures of Hercules.
As the narrator continues, King Casmer is going to send a young prince to tempt his arch rival Hercules and destroy him. We meet the prince as he and the king drink some wine. He’s kind of cute-blonde hair, mustache, blue eyes. He kind of looks like Luke Harding aka Aden Stone? Of course he’ll be handsomely compensated for his troubles with jewels and treasure to destroy Herc.
Luke’s better looking.
What a lovely soundtrack. I really want to know what beach was this filmed on. Sure Prince, just wash up nekked on the rocky shore, Hercules will rescue you. Ah, what a sweet, smooth, nubile youth. Oh so succulent; just smack him in the face to wake him up. Stop using your hand and use your dick Herc! Oh, thanks for saving me! Back in Hercules’ lair, Prince sets to work “I mean I just regained consciousness, but let me caress your muscular body and suck yo dick!” There is a lot of static in the soundtrack at this point, but it is so worth listening to. Who got paid to dub this freakshow? Hercules kind of has this whole fifties bodybuilder look going on, like he should be in Physique Pictoral, and this pleases me.
To mention the soundtrack once again, this is the kind of music you frolic to and the voice over dubbing is so sensationally bad. In this scene I’ll admit it’s not really the best blowjob I’ve ever seen. Hercules does cum in the prince’s mouth, but what is with all this soft serve so far? Doesn’t anyone get a raging hard-on in this movie? And now they cuddle. I’d also like to point out that the prince has real fancy belt on. Moments later the pair are grinding. It’s kind of weird and I feel like I’m intruding. Here’s the DL: Herc’s trying to get hard again, Prince whimpers. Is he in him? Nope, just grinding. Finally we have some fucking! The prince is a total bottom bitch and Herc fucks his hole raw, pulls out and shoots another copious load. He even got jizz on the deer skin rug. Who’s going to clean that up? A+ for stamina Hercules!
I forgot what the prince was sent to do when this happens. They are NOT going to get it on for a third time! Wait! The thirst is real for this prince as he starts sucking on Hercules rod again. Needless to say the audience is treated to another dispassionate blow, another creamy load down the prince’s throat. That’s a lot of cum and the sheer amount Hercules has produced in such a short period of time is pretty hot actually.
Hercules must be so tired. The prince really “took it out of him” and it’s off to dreamland. Next thing ya know he’s bound in chains and shackles. Did the prince slip him a Mickey? King Creeper is back and gloating over his prize. He whips and flogs Herc while the prince and one of the kings boys start to get it on while he watches. I’m sensing the prince probably has a thing for Herc or vise versa, but I could be wrong.
This cocksucker with the dark hair and ‘stache is pretty sexy. Check out those chops!
There is too much soft serve in this film.
As we continue our adventure, viewers will be treated to some passionate osculation followed by more sucking at the feet of the king whilst Herc looks on. These guys love grinding and the old dude is contentedly jerking off to this. He’s truly got a greedy gullet, that prince. He really gets to it on the slave boy, who is cute, but I thought he’d have a bigger cock. It also looks like the king’s advisor dude whom we met earlier has joined the party too to jerk off as well.
Now this is the guy I’ve been waiting for. Finding Hercules bound and chained, a little muscle lad walks right up and likes what he sees. He immediately begins worshiping Herc with his hands and mouth. As he is going to town on the subdued giant, the creepy-ass adviser guy just lifts up the youth’s loin cloth and slips his dick in. How rude, but Little Muscle Lad doesn’t care. Prince unleashes his white lava in the slave’s mouth as this fuck-fest continues on the floor. Time for a cum swap! The Erotic Adventures of Hercules has more loads blown directly into mouths than any other film I’ve seen in a while. What I mean is the spunk is literally sucked out of the guys, no jerking off to finish, just dick in mouth. Back to Herc’s neck of the woods; the adviser unloads his contribution and Muscle Lad doesn’t even care. He’s too busy milking Herc’s cock until he explodes.
There is a lot of cum in these guys’ mouths.
Now for a threesome! Mustache Boy fucks Muscle Lad, who sports some nice foreskin in a fleshy roll about, at the feet of the king and Mustache Boy cums after pulling out. It’s a decent fuck to watch, and my only issue was that it was too bad the Muscle Lad didn’t cum. I was really hoping for that.
To finish things up I’ll make this brief. Everyone is passed out and Hercules (with the help of the gods) unchains himself to exact his revenge. He slaughters everyone, even the prince who I believe thought Herc loved him and would take him away before he met his fate. Oh, and Herc kept that belt?
Since The Erotic Adventures of Hercules is only available on GayHotMovies.com, you should really head on over and watch it. I’m so happy I got to review such an off the wall classic and share it with you. Remember to follow me on Twitter and Tumblr too!
Catch ya later cum catchers